ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A breeding pair of earthfolk heading to Byron Bay have this morning defended their decision to dose their toddler with Valium, claiming the sedative was fair-trade, organic, and not a generic brand alternative.
Local kindred souls Banjo Clemente and co-parent Pystashiyo Minny-Moke, were seen boarding the 7:40am QantasLink service from Betoota Remienko to Ballina-Byron, cradling their 40-month-old child, Ribbert-Ribbert Frog Style Clemente-Minny-Moke, who was completely unconscious in a pair of $90 overalls.
Fellow passengers say the child was tricked into consuming the sedative, with Banjo saying it’s a yummy treat. That was roughly 45 minutes before boarding. Pystashiyo later described as a “sedation ritual”.
The couple, both former private school students who now operate a loss-making business out of the back of a converted late-model Troopy, told The Advocate the decision was not made lightly, but was “absolutely necessary” if they were to “enter Byron in the right state of mind.”
“We’ve worked really hard to create a no-shoes energy in our family unit,” said Banjo, who remained barefoot at the gate despite being told he wasn’t flying on the Jetstar bogan missile today, he was flying on a brand new QantasLink A220. In business class.
“But the aviation sector isn’t set up for conscious parenting. It’s all jet fuel and treading us like cattle. There was only two macadamias in my Weiss bar I had in the lounge. Which means sometimes you just have to meet Babylon where it’s at.”
The Valium, reportedly sourced via a doctor’s pad stolen from Banjo’s general practitioner mother, was chosen for its “magic healing powers” and comes packaged in “sustainable tin foil.”
While some passengers expressed concern at seeing a lifeless toddler slumped over a stringless bamboo ukulele, others said it was “better than the usual screaming.”
QantasLink declined to comment, citing parental discretion, but confirmed the aircraft required additional sage smudging upon arrival.
More to come.
