KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A new luxury bathhouse in the Betoota industrial estate has been forced to close early this weekend, after being visited by a stinky footy player with zero hygiene.
Soakhaus Equilibrium, a new hot springs experience located on Boral Lane, has become one of the most talked about new businesses in town since it opened in April.
Boasting two large magnesium pools, a cold plunge, a steam room and infrared sauna, Soakhaus is the kind of place that charges $60 for one hour of access to slightly warm bodies of water, and saunas that need a good clean.
Usually packed with yoga types and people who’ve just got back from Japan, this weekend it’s understood the centre was forced to close for an hour of emergency deep cleaning, after it was visited by one Trent Stone-Lomax, a local Betoota Dolphins player.
Waking up on Sunday sporting bleeding grazed knees and breath that stunk of canteen sausages sandwiches and cans of Hard Solo, The Advocate understands Trent was dragged to Soakhaus by his girlfriend Tamara Stephenson, who was desperate to go to the trendy bathhouse that many local influencers have been posting from.
But because Trent is a bit of dumb grub, witnesses say he decided to skip the mandatory rinse down in the change rooms before entering the baths, and just decided to plonk himself into the vitamin enriched water, bleeding knees and all.
“Ahhhhhhh” he winced, as he submerged himself under the 36 degree water and soaked up the sounds of the whale noise playlist getting blared over the speakers, “That’s the stuff.”
With his scabby knees beginning to mix with the water, and his pores reeking of alcoholic lemon squash, Trent didn’t seem to care that he was totally ruining the experience for his fellow bathmates, who’d all paid good money to be there.“Oop, I’m bit gassy this morning”, he told his girlfriend, after letting a light fart bubble up from under the surface.
“Not a bad set-up they’ve got here tho, I might head to the sauna next, do you reckon anyone minds that I’m just wearing undies?”
More to come.
