ERROL PAKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A notorious figure in the head office of Diamantina Freight Solutions has confirmed he is fully prepared for tonight’s End Of Financial Year drinks, after quietly having a catheter installed earlier this week.
Gary Anoos from accounts says the move is about not wasting any time doing to the toilets, allowing him to concentrate on consuming as much piss as possible on the company dime.
The medical tubing runs down the inside of his leg and exits near the ankle, allowing him to relieve himself discreetly while standing over a drain or loitering in the corner of the beer garden.
“I’m here to drink,” he told colleagues this morning.
Anoos has built a reputation as the last man standing at every work function, often spending upwards of 10 hours perched at the bar with no meal and minimal small talk.
Tonight, he says, is no different.
He has reportedly packed a bag of Allen’s snakes, booked tomorrow off, and told the bar staff to “keep ’em coming until my brainstem is permanently damaged.”
Management is aware of the situation but has chosen not to intervene.
“It’s EOFY,” said one senior manager.
“He’ll burn himself out by 9. Or someone else will deal with it. We’ll have the bouncers turf him anyway.”
More to come.
