ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Prime Minister has confirmed that Australia is once again ready to contribute meaningfully to America’s next war effort, pending specific instructions from Washington.
In a show of wartime solidarity with the United States, Anthony Albanese has ordered the nation’s last flyable bomber to be readied for action. The aircraft in question is not a cowardly unmanned drone, or supersonic stealth platform but a Korean War-era English Electric Canberra, now operated by the RAAF’s ceremonial No. 100 Squadron.
Speaking from the flight line at RAAF Base Amberley, the Anthony Albanese told media the bomber has been given a good wash and vacuum, as well as a full tank of Avgas just in case America needs Australia to symbolically participate in the next illegal strike on a sovereign nation.
“We’ve got it, our only bomber, on standby,” said Albanese.
“We’ve emptied the ashtrays and filled up the overhead bins with empty Gatorade bottles for the crew to piss in. There’s a collection of Bulletins from 1995-1997. Few boxes of Jatz. Carton of Peter Suyvesant Classics. Soft packs. Esky full of Kirk’s lemonades. Yummy. Obviously we don’t have any, uh, munitions that actually fit the thing, so we’re thinking ah, a couple of 44-gallon drums full of cement, maybe, uh, some rocks and scrap iron, just to get a bit of weight behind it. It’ll make a hell of a noise if it hits something.”
The Canberra, first delivered during the Menzies Government, has not been used in real combat since the Vietnam War.
It is currently stored at Temora Aviation Museum and requires a team of volunteers and a week or two to get it moving. Defence officials admit the aircraft has a “limited role” in modern warfare but argue its availability proves Australia is “pulling its AUKUS weight.”
The announcement comes after the US deployed over 100 aircraft, including B2 stealth bombers, to flatten Iranian nuclear infrastructure over the weekend.
If called upon, the Canberra will fly with minimal support, no modern targeting systems, and a bomb load that poses more danger to the crew than the target.
More to come.
