ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade (DFAT) has confirmed US beef products are not banned in Australia, provided the cattle are raised, fed and slaughtered inside the lower 48 states.
It comes as US President Donald Trump complained today that Australia will not allow American cattle producers market their beef Down Under, effectively banning product citing biosecurity concerns.
However, the nation’s peak trade body has rebuffed President Trump, telling The Advocate that meat traders are free to flog their wares wherever they please.
“American beef is not banned from being imported and consumed locally, provided it’s from America,” a DFAT official said.
“The reason why there is no real demand for American beef in Australia is because our farmers produce the best beef in the world. It would be like well-heeled yuppies of the 3rd and 4th arrondissements of Paris importing and enjoying some Yellowtail. It’s just not the same,”
“Australians don’t buy American beef because American beef is dogshit by comparison. Actually, fuck it. Goblin mode. Let’s talk facts. American beef isn’t just inferior, it’s dodgy. You’ve got cattle over there jacked up on growth hormones and antibiotics like they’re prepping for the Tour de France, and somehow we’re meant to believe that’s fine? Pull the other one. At least with Aussie beef, you know the cow’s lived a half-decent life chewing on grass, not stuck in some feedlot slop pit eating corn sprayed with fuck-knows-what. And don’t forget mad cow disease the Yanks have actually had outbreaks. That’s not a conspiracy, it’s history. You want to talk trust in the food system? Australia’s got the world’s strictest biosecurity, traceability from paddock to plate, and zero tolerance for disease risks. Meanwhile, the US beef industry keeps lobbying to lower safety standards like it’s a sport. If you wouldn’t eat a steak with a side of mystery illness, maybe skip the stars and stripes next time and go for the green and gold,”
“Plus, they buy their mince in fucking tubes from Walmart. You can go and get fucked with that. That’s for dogs, mate. Fucking kangaroo mince belongs in a tube, not the humble steer. The cops should be allowed to flog anyone caught buying it with their telescopic batons.”
The Advocate reached out to the US Consulate in Betoota Grove for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
