ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Riverina city of Griffith has today declared itself the rightful heir to Walter Burley Griffin’s legacy, stating it has stayed true to the architect’s original vision while Canberra has turned into a puffer vest theme park for career public servants.
Griffith, like Canberra, was designed by the American planner in the early 20th century. Unlike the national capital, it has not paved over its civic soul in favour of wine bars called Caucus and a light rail that move 11 people a day.
Local councillors made the declaration after reviewing recent development proposals in the ACT, which include 12-storey apartment blocks in suburbs previously known for leafy cul-de-sacs and the humble govvie.
“Walter would be turning in his grave,” said one Griffith councillor.
“What he laid out was a functioning, harmonious city. Not a consultancy factory full of Subaru-driving seat sniffers in Patagonia vests, or those [homophobic slur redacted by legal] loud colour clip up jumpers they do, that argue about which roundabout to replace with the subhuman indignity that is the common traffic light,”
“Our wineries are better than Canberra’s as well. Pfft ‘cold climate’ shiraz’.”
Our reporter then observed the councillor make an inappropriate gesture with his hands and mouth before locking his left wrist in a limp fashion.
Griffith still retains its tasteful radial design, civic parklands and wide streets. It also has ample parking, shops that sell things that normal people need like sandwiches and carpet. The inner-most ring, where the TAFE is, is surrounded by normal businesses like podiatrists and martial arts dojos. Missing are the grey office blocks with people lounging about on the public teet.
The NSW Department of Regional Development said it would consider a formal request to reclassify Griffith as “Canberra with manners” pending an audit of its community gardens, shared workspaces and crops of illicit cannabis.
Canberra did not respond to questions from this masthead.
More to come.
