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Prime Minister Albanese has wasted no time in starting the “inner-westification” of Australia, calling for the ugly seats at parliament to be ripped out and replaced with trendy milk crates.
This cultural revolution has been seen as inevitable after Labor’s thumping victory – with Albanese vowing to start the new era of Australian politics in the halls of power themselves.
“Australia has long hung onto these ugly leather benches, they are simply impractical and don’t reflect the Australia that the voter has clearly shown they want” the Prime Minister explained.
Albanese, who has worn his hometown of Sydney’s Inner West on his sleeve for decades, has been given a clear mandate to inner-westify the entire nation – and he doesn’t intend to stop with the crates.
“I am going to introduce a barista course and mum-friendly graffiti into the national school curriculum from K-12” Albanese explained.
Albanese also announced plans to triple funding for SBS World Movies channel.
The Camperdown native has already come under fire from a few cultureless, suburban critics, but the Prime Minister remains defiant.
“We have a lot of work to do, but Canberra will be looking like Newtown by the time I’m done here” Albanese explained.
“We are going to bulldoze this entire city and start again”
“Actually, maybe we’ll keep the breweries and the roundabouts”
The PM was later seen sipping a long black from a keep cup while inspecting the acoustics of a converted warehouse that is tipped to become the new ASIO building.
“The exposed brick is great. There’s no need for our public servants to spend their days in cubicles under fluro lights. ASIO and the AFP should have a shared space”
“We can put a pinball machine in over there”
Sources say an industrial-aesthetic organic food court is also being considered to replace Parliament’s famous Aussie’s Cafe.
