ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The rat-like people of Sydney that occupy the north eastern portion of that open-air sewer are having a sook today because getting to and from their offices has gotten too hard.
There are too many people who live on the “Northern Beaches”. Too many people to mash through the many bottle necks and goat tracks that get those over-leveraged suckholes to where they need to be.
Each solution their unsophisticated two-house parliament tries to palm through to help them, they’ve rejected.
“Hey,” said one Premier.
“We should perhaps build a train up here? Or make some of the bottlenecks less tight? Or perhaps build a tunnel? We need to make sure you spoilt cunts can get to work on time and not huff and puff each time something goes wrong!”
One Northern Beaches resident, a builder in shorts and a branded polyester polo shirt, said none of those things would work in the real world, in God’s country.
“First of all, it would bring a lot of M people up here?”
What’s a M person?
“A M person is someone who lives on an M-road. IE An uncouth, undesirable and unfortunately quite mobile person from parts of Sydney that we only know from the news,” the builder continued.
“The last thing we need is a train. Look what happened to Cronulla? A nice place to be, build a train there and ever weekend it turns into Beirut. Not that that’s a bad thing, it’s just not what you’d want to see at like Freshwater or Manly (Surf Beach),”
“And fixing the go and up and down bridge, we’d prefer it if it stayed up the whole time. Except for when we need to head into the city and work because we’ve bought a shitbox in a creek for $6m and have no other choice in the matter. There should, actually, be a train but for locals only. Or a tunnel for locals only. Even a Metro but driverless trains are pretty gay if you ask me.”
The Advocate reached out to the Premier of New South Boomerstan for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
