KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local gym rat is expected to be nominated for an Oscar this evening after putting on a dramatic display in the gym.
Duncan Cutler, 28, is gunning for Most Outstanding Performance in a Weights Room after overloading a leg press machine and almost getting crushed by the weight of his own ego.
Having spent the last five years hitting the gym, Duncan appears to suffer from ‘Chest Bro-ocularitis”, a condition which sees him only ever doing bench press, some bicep curls and maybe a few seated lat pulldowns if his twisted lower back can take it.
Only ever interested in puffing up his chest and shoulders, years of neglecting every muscle below his belly button has meant Duncan’s legs look like celery sticks, compared to his shoulders which have blown out like heads of organic broccoli.
But having recently been served a bunch of leg workouts on his Instagram feed, The Advocate can report Duncan hit the Fitness First at Betoota Junction this evening determined to finally do some leg work.
After watching a local fitspo girl pump out 120kgs on the leg press machine, Duncan’s fragile ego meant he didn’t dare unrack some weight and instead made a big public showing of throwing on a few more plates onto the rack.
However as his kneecaps buckled under the weight in and his lower back seized up like a vintage steam engine, Duncan decided the only way to save himself from public embarrassment was to punch out three quick half-reps, lock off the machine, jump out from underneath the leg plate and start feigning an injury.
“Aaaaahhsssstskkkkkk,” he whimpered, as he jabbed his fingers deep into his deltoids and pretended he knew how to massage a shoulder impingement.
“Oooooffff, you prick…” he mumbled under his breath, loud enough that the two people on the cable tower next to him could hear.
Having gassed himself out with the dramatic display, Duncan decided he’d skip unracking the weights and head straight to the free weights and stick to his favourite heavy curls.
