ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
As the cost of living crisis continues to hurt even middle-class families around the country, a polite and law-abiding young man from Betoota Heights has had to resort to crime today after saying goodbye to Binge and Britbox.
Instead of streaming Grand Designs and Heartbeat like he usually would in the evening, Mark Darius is now looking for them on BitTorrent.
BitTorrent is a magical program that delivers you content without paying for it. Most victims of it are wealthy people overseas, so many in the wider public view “pirating” content as a victimless crime.
As the sales manager at the Godfreys vacuum shop at the Betoota Heights Homemaker SuperCentre, the 38-year-old also has a lot of free time at work where he usually catches up on a lot of his shows.
Mark has some other streaming services such as Paramount Plus, Binge, Kayo, Disney, Stan, Amazon Prime, Netflix, and Apple, but due to the rising cost of doing anything in this world, something had to give.
“As much as I don’t want to, I’m now pirating my Grand Designs,” he said.
“I don’t want to, it’s one of my favorite shows. I just love how that Kevin is just so smug about people having a punt on themselves and then it all goes to shit. It’s easy to boo from the sidelines like Kevin does, it’s hard to go build your own home. Honestly, if he came to Australia and just laughed at some bloke when his builder goes belly up, he’d get a pair of 12-inch Crescent pliers across the face. Then probably a boot up the dot.”
“You could say the same about Heartbeat. I reckon it’s a shithouse show, but as a kid, I knew it was bedtime when I heard that jangling guitar riff in the intro. It’s like Pavlov’s jangle for me. As soon as I hear that, I’m subconsciously ready to go to sleep.”
“So I can’t live without that. I don’t need a full episode, you’d have to have brain damage to watch Heartbeat, I reckon. Dodo dododo dodo doodooo Heartbeat!”
More to come.
