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Equalution is the cool new diet program based on getting a healthy amount of all of the things on the nutritional information table including protein, fibre, carbs, sugars and fats.
While this was once called ‘eating a balanced diet’ it’s called Equalution now so please do feel free to keep up you disgracefully old chump.
Previously focusing on things called macronutrients and micronutrients, the hottest new Equalution program now ensures that you are consuming your correct amount of microplastics every single day.
At the time of writing, microplastic consumption is at an alltime high with estimates claiming Australians are eating a credit card worth of plastic per week, currently believed to be the most responsible way for a Millennial to use a credit card.
While nutritionists have made it clear you shouldn’t be eating any plastic at all, they also say the same thing about Mars bars which Equalution dieters are allowed to have a fun size of as an afternoon snack.
“It’s easy, getting every micronutrient and plastic that I need,” stated Equalution dieter Mirriam England, who has found this weight loss program weird as you’re allowed to eat.
“I just don’t unwrap my little chocolate bar, just down it whole with the wrapper on for my sugary plastic hit.”
Experts are still not certain about the exact amount of microplastics Australians are eating and breathing every day but hypothesise that if we knew the truth the next trendy Equalution diet would involve eating a certain amount of rich bureaucratic flesh every day.
MORE TO COME.
