LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The results are in and the Millennials that could either afford kids or didn’t think things through have given their children weird fucking names.
At the time of writing, it is estimated that by 2025, roll calls in K to 2 classes will easily be mistaken for the former line up of the ‘70s folk musicians in Arlo Guthrie’s touring band, including a few boys actually called Arlo Guthrie.
While some cunning Millennial parents have looked to the continent of Europe for name inspiration that escapes criticism by being cultured, a devious few are popping on to ancestry.com to find family names that offend the senses but cannot be criticised.
“Radomir was actually my mum’s great uncle,” stated mum Fiona Tree (32), when our reporting team asked why on Earth you’d call a kid that when you won’t let people call him ‘Rad’ for short.
“He fought in the war actually so he’s a war hero so have some respect then hey?”
Lucky for young Radomir, he is only five months old and does not quite grasp how hard it’s going to be having his name for his whole entire life. The same cannot be said for his older sister Ingrid (5) who is likewise named after a long dead relative that she has nothing in common with other than 1.5625% of her DNA and parents that called her Ingrid.
“She was actually an amazing woman who raised eight kids all by herself thank you very much. It didn’t quite click that eight kids would give you so many descendents who would have similar lines of thinking. Ingrid is one of five Ingrids in her class.”
MORE TO COME
