LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With the discs of his old Nintendo Wii now so worn down they resemble the rings of Saturn, former PM Scotty from Marketing has had a lot of time to think.
While many of us tend to think of our legacy in terms of family and plastic cups we used once but will still outlive us, as a former, if not theoretical, Prime Minister, Scotty has been wondering what his legacy will be.
Following three seconds of personal & career introspection, Scotty realised it was too hard and decided he wasn’t going to do it, proving that he hasn’t changed too much since losing the top job.
“I think I speak for all Australians when I say I’d like to see more of me,” stated Scotty as if the election was just a funny ditty like in his favourite movie Click.
“Surely you journos miss me right? Wasn’t I fun to write about? You couldn’t write some of the stuff I said, although I often did as I’m sure you’re aware Mr Speaker.”
After witnessing former PM John Howard get wheeled around during the NSW election like a keg on a trolley, Scotty has begun to wonder if he’ll ever get carted around to help win future elections.
“I think I have a good way of speaking to Australians in a non-patronising way on their level, no matter how low that level is.”
“What’s better than a former PM after all? They were in charge but now they just live off a nice government pension like the newstarters or whatever, I wasn’t really listening to be honest.”
“The Hills for instance, I could do something there. What’s that Catholic area in Adelaide called? I could do something there maybe if ToneBone is busy. As long as I don’t have to go to that bloody Torago [sic] town on the south coast I think I’ll be fine.”
“Actually, I probably can’t go anywhere that was affected by those fires that weren’t my fault.”
Our reporting team then poked fun at the Cronulla Sharks 2-3 start to the 2023 NRL season to which he replied that he didn’t understand what any of those words meant and that we should leave before we make any more words up.
