Local man plans to put new stomach staples to the test over dinner
12 April, 2015. 17:45
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
KNOWN NOW TO his mates as "Staple Man", a North Betootanese network engineer said this morning that his new stomach will be no match for what he's planning to eat for dinner.
Glenn Peterson once had a lap band, but it broke during a 2012 binge at the old Hong Wang Diner...
Local Machine Hammers Entire Bootload Of Groceries In One Trip
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local woman, Deborah Farrah (45) has stunned neighbours today by transporting $300 worth of groceries from the boot of her Holden Commodore to the kitchen bench in one load.
The single-mother-of-three says its no big deal, and sometimes you just need harden up.
"Yeah, the fingers were hurting by the time I got to the steps, but...
Local Milf Signs On For Second Season Of Teenage Neighbour’s Wet Dreams
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local Milf, Catrina Deardan (41) is completely unaware that she is the sole reason her teenage son's schoolmates are having extra long showers before dinner.
The mother of three - who is seemingly ignorant to how fucking hot she is - also has a similar affect on her teenage neighbour, Tim. Another close friend of her fourteen...
Local Vegan Plans To Send You Some Links That Will Explain It Better
30 March, 2016. 15:10
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local vegan Jamie Hemmant feels like he isn't doing a good enough job of explaining his boring lifestyle choice - so he's going to send you some links, it has been confirmed.
Not even thirty minutes into your first catch up in eighteen months, Jamie has found a way to turn a...
Betoota Expectant Mother Worried Airport Expansion Will Harm Her Unborn Child
24 March, 2016. 10:39
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
THE GROUND HAS BEEN BROKEN and construction has started on the controversial expansion of Betoota Airport, giving hope to the local chamber of commerce but sending other members of the community into a rage.
One of those raging against the plan is local mum-to-be Jeanie Kyte.
After reading an article her 34-year-old stay-at-home-mother...
Town Divided Over Which Disgusting Shopping Plaza Should Host Transport Office
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local mayor, Councillor Keith Carton has today announced a brief setback in the installation of new Transport Office downtown.
Speaking to media today out front of the Diamantina Pastoral Hotel, the Lord Mayor said his office were torn on which specific near-derelict shopping plaza will win the bid to host the RTA.
"We are looking for...
District Man Has A Lot Of Teeth For A Smart Cunt
22 March, 2016. 11:34
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
HE'S OFTEN QUICK WITH the jokes or to bludge one of your smokes, leaving many local Betoota residents wondering how he's still got all of his teeth.
Speaking from experience, former smart cunt Gavin Cooley says by the time he turned 30, he only had three of his own teeth left.
"I made...
Local Dad Begins Racist Tirade By Explaining That He Has Plenty Of Black Friends
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local accountant, Dion Macey is not racist because he has plenty of black friends, he has confirmed.
Shortly before, and after, his twenty minute tirade about "what is best for Aboriginals" - Mr Macey insisted on pointing out that his politically incorrect comments came from a good place.
"Don't get me wrong, I've got plenty of black...
The Plan To Help Generation Y Buy A Home In Sydney
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
SYDNEY NEEDS TO BE less desirable and more dangerous according to a new political party hell bent on helping young Sydneysiders buy a house in the harbour city.
Following a city planning model similar to Brazil's Rio De Janeiro, The FairGo Party plans to destabilise Sydney to the point where people will actively feel afraid,...
Degenerate Boyfriend Declares Aesop Shampoo Makes For Decent Enough Body Wash
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local man, Charlie Belmont arrives at work each morning smelling like coconut and murumuru butters - and it has nothing to do with his diet.
Charlie is one of thousands of men around the country that douses his body each morning with expensive hair products that are not meant to be used as bodywash.
"I've got all...
