Police Officers To Transport Suspects In Boot Of Patrol Cars To Maintain Social Distancing
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
As part of Australia’s ongoing fight against COVID-19, Police Forces in all states have taken measures to minimise the risk to themselves and...
Woman Suddenly Filled With An Inexplicable Urge To Visit Bustling Ice Cream Shop
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Between eating her weight in food and silently cursing every smug dickhead broadcasting their at-home gym session, Betoota Heights local Anita Finn ...
Local 30-Year-Old Abandons Hope Of Learning How To TikTok
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
The world-wide lockdown has spat out some pretty interesting and creative ways people are staying sane while spending every waking hour in their...
Man Adds “Essential Worker” To Tinder Bio
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
In a nod to the 2020 equivalent of landed gentry, forklift operator Damien Cummins has updated his Tinder bio to include ‘Essential Worker’...
Nonno Quite Set On Theory That This Virus Bullshit Is The Banks Play To Finally Kill Off Cash
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some potentially groundbreaking news out of Betoota's Flight Path District this moring, a local Nonno reckons he knows what this whole COVID-19...
Group Chat Schooner Shots Now Replaced With Nice Things The Boys Are Making For Dinner
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As the nationwide lockdown continues, around Australia have had to completely rethink their group chat content sharing habits. What used to be filled...
Local Woman Accidentally Eats Two Weeks’ Of Rations In Two Days Of Bored Isolation
TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
A full and delusional Ava Martin has been found unconscious on her kitchen floor this afternoon after a housemate returned home to see...
‘Skip Recap’ Button Now The Only Thing Stopping Local Woman From Laying Completely Motionless
It’s 3pm on a sunny Saturday afternoon in Betoota Ponds, yet hungover local hair and beauty expert, Josie Ross, is lying on her food...
Parents Of Home-Bound Schoolkids Hastily Initiate Their Own Research To Find Coronavirus Cure
FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
With millions of school students stuck at home hogging the big tv and eating all the snacks, one industry is experiencing explosive growth.
Unsurprisingly,...
Week 2: Everyone Pretty Done With The Cameras On Video Chat Now
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
For the people fortunate enough to have an essential office job that allows them to work from home, this weekend marks two weeks...
