Politics

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT Popular board game Monopoly will be updated with new, modern Community Chest Cards says manufacturer Hasbro in a recent statement. The game, released in 1935, offers a unique opportunity to show your family how Capitalism can be lucrative and fun or extremely violent, depending on who wins. The Community Chest Cards have been largely unchanged since the game was released,...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact With accusations of bullying, sexism, coverups, pork-barrelling and hiring a fucking hip hop dance group for the commissioning ceremony of a naval ship, it’s fair to say there’s a bit going on with this current government. Most recently, side-hustle PM Scott Morrison failed to effectively organise a sausage sizzle after showing up with multigrain bread, without sausages, onions or...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The under fire Prime Minister has once again brushed off calls to publicly apologise to former Australia Post CEO Christine Holgate today. However, the Bloke in Chief says he will apologise, but personally, in a letter that should arrive at Holgate's residence in the next 10-14 days. If there's no delays in postage or issues with the delivery....

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In line with public expectation, the Prime Minister has this week downgraded his jab policy targets. The Head of Marketing has admitted that every Australian will not be jabbed before the end of the year, despite coming out and promising that they would a few months ago in an effort to win over voters. However, the PM has...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact After accidentally identifying one of his own MPs as a khunt during a press conference, job-sharing PM Scott Morrison seems to have discovered a new found love for stand up. Scotty’s new passion was on display today as he returned to the mic to see if he could land some new gear about women and how they like to...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Australians around the nation are letting out a small collective sigh as they acknowledge the annual picture of our ‘sometimes-for-a-treat’ Prime Minister Scott Morrison singing with his eyes closed at a super-Church is on the way. The Easter long weekend is a four-day break made up of two public holidays on either side of a weekend to observe the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Inspired by a Jordan Peterson video on YouTube, occasional Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison decided to make a win for himself today and held a press conference to show support for Australian women. Despite already being an occasion worth 80% of the nation’s daily eyeroll quota, the press gallery was stunned when Mr Morrison made his way to the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT With it more clear than ever that the culture of the Canberra bubble is in serious need of a retcon, the big guns have asked Red Frogs to come in and consult with Parliament House staff. Founded in 1997, Red Frogs are a volunteer group founded by a youth pastor, known for frequenting schoolies and o-week type events, ensuring...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The nation's Head of Marketing has today been brought to tears by some of the acts that have taken place inside his workplace. This comes after the man doing his best to try and shed some crocodile tears was forced to refuse to answer more tough questions about the culture inside parliament house, and the acts that have...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The off work Attorney General has reportedly caused a bit of a scene over the weekend. With Sunday just another day for the politician whose on generous mental health leave (something most people can't even contemplate), Paid Leave Porter decided to fire up the mower. However, rather than wait until mid-morning, or lunch time, or even a weekday in...