IN-Focus

Dad Confident The Future Is In Good Hands After Using Computer To Make Burger

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Lionel Breakspear (53) of South Betoota reluctantly acquiesced to his daughter Sophie's request to take her to McDonald's for their father-daughter Sunday luncheon before she returns to university for her exams. He quite simply didn't believe me when I said you could now choose whatever you wanted to put on your burger" Sophie said. "It's like he couldn't...

World-Renowned Brain Surgeon Rattled By High Pressure Environment At Aldi Check-Out

4 November, 2016 13:45 WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT For Stephanie Anderson, high pressure situations are the norm. As a high flying surgeon at the Royal Adelaide Hospital, her days consist of operating on patients whose highly vulnerable lives depend on her steady hands. But, at 6:30pm last Thursday night, the Aldi checkout experience was just all too much. After just seconds in, the mother of two...

One Nation Considers Changing Party Name To Remove Arabic Numeral

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Federal senator, Pauline Hanson has today met with high-ranking members of her far-right political party, One Nation, to discuss the possibility of changing their party name. As a staunch opponent to multiculturalism and Islam, Hanson says it's time for her party to choose a name that reflects the Australia they are trying to create, one that is completely...

Year 9 kid’s perfectly round hickeys definitely aren’t from his mum’s Dyson

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact AN UNTOUCHABLE lawyer's boy from Sydney's Lower North Shore stepped out of his mother's BMW this morning with a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. Friends of Edward Hatton were curious as to why the renown mad-dog was sporting such an odd accessory in November, so they picked and pried at the 15-year-old A's rugby...

Mate Bragging About Having Money On Verry Elleegant Now Responsible For Buying The Bags

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There's always one, in every circle of mates. And for 29-year-old graphic designer, this year was his year. Doubling down and a tip from his old man, Dennis Cartwright put $50 each way on Very Elleegant, the rank outsider who snatched this year's Melbourne Cup from the depths of mediocrity. He just scanned his ticket and...

Rove McManus To Be Replaced By MC Kerser After 2Day FM Breakfast Ratings Slump

28 October 2016. 11:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Southern Cross Austereo’s new CEO Grant Blackley says his Sydney hot hits station can only improve from the record 2DayFM ratings slump. The once home of ratings-magnets, Kyle & Jackie-O, sits at an underwhelming 2.7 per cent share, down 0.6 points from the previous survey. "It's really just Rove. He's gotta go. We need someone with a bit of...

Woman Who’d Never Be Allowed To Work With Kids, Free To Raise As Many As She Wants

25 October 2016. 15:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Despite the fact that the law would never allow Shonaleigh Madden (24) to work at a paediatric hospital or primary school, she has been given the all clear to give birth to child number four early next year. The unemployed casual ice user has been banned from driving on Australian roads for the next twenty years...

Stock Photo Model Has No Idea What They Are Going For With This One

17 October 2016. 11:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local stock photo model, John Smith (35) has no idea why the hell he is currently wearing business attire and pretending to make a mobile phone call on top of a surfboard in the middle of the ocean. Speaking to the Betoota Advocate today, he says he's been asked to do some really weird...

Lonely Maori Bloke Doesn’t Have Black Enough Friends To Bring It In After A High Five

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A lonely suburban Maori bloke says he is really starting to miss his cousins, after settling into a boring non-Maori area. "I don't even have anyone I can talk about rugby with" "Like this area is too white for rugby. Can you believe that?" he said. Dominic Rowe (26) says he longs for the feeling of shaking...

New Study Finds 89% Of People Who Can Fix Things Are Named ‘Rod’

5 October 2016. 12:25 CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recent study by the University of Queensland has found that 89% of Australians that are capable of fixing trivial but complex workplace and household things, are named 'Rod'. Lead researcher, Professor Mal Tuqiri says the study was important for many reasons, mainly because most Australians just assumed that the number was closer...

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