IN-Focus

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | ContactAt the National Affordable Housing Symposium held at The Betoota State Conference Centre, highly respected and astute urban developer, David Blaine (35), patiently explained to a group of idiots that the housing crisis is simple to fix. “We need better planning approvals faster,” Blaine told the group of developers and consultants. “The planning system is not facilitating housing,” he said...

MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT In a stunning report that has shattered the assumptions of absolutely no one, experts have confirmed that the presence of a carefully adorned Christmas tree in an inner city share house is a telltale sign that at least one girl resides among the otherwise clueless male occupants. Witnesses report that the Christmas tree, adorned with an array of tasteful...

STACY OAKSHEAF | City News | CONTACTGen Z’s obsession with early 2000s fashion has left many millennials wondering why… With many asking themselves if the history of micro minis, ruffled dresses and velour tracksuits has always been doomed to repeat it self. As those who fail to learn from history, end up thinking it’s socially executable to wear jeans under dresses. Low-rise jeans and crop...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT The annual battle between the Leftie Cousin and Sky News Uncle has kicked off again this Boxing Day, as Inner-Brisbane Greens voter Shona Mercy (35) locks horns with her mother's Ascot-based brother Tony Whyme (68). Today's argument is about whether or not the disgraced right-wing shock jock Alan Jones is a bit how ya going. This isn't the first time...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local property developer is being lauded this week for building a number of medium density apartment blocks on the former site of the Betoota Bitter Breweries in the Old City - none of which are "exclusive" or "luxury". "They're just fucking apartments," says Greene Kite of multinational residential developer Kite Constructions. "They're close-ish to Betoota...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The largely forgotten middle child of Tom and Joanna Florence tried and failed to send close to 50 people plummeting to their deaths this morning as he tried to use his telekinetic powers to snap the cable holding up the Diamantina Scenic Gondola. Squinting at the cable and letting his imagination take over, young...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the Christmas package deadline looms closer, the adult son of our alleged creator has told The Advocate that most of the prayers he's currently getting from everyday Australians are regarding the safe delivery of packages from a specific logistics company. Nazareth-born Betoota Heights-living carpenter Jesus Christ revealed that CouriersPlease, a Singapore-based parcel delivery company,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Brisbane-based insurance assessor is in Sydney this week, attending meetings and tying up loose ends before the year is out. Which is code, Dylan Brock says, for doing half days with the senior Harbour City-based executives, heading to the pub for lunch, and not coming back. They found themselves in a pub today, somewhere in...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A 60-year-old man with a broken body and no superannuation has been informed by his local GP that he'll have to either go on the dole, find work, or start growing cannabis in the creek down the back because she's not prepared to sign off on his inability to work. Despite walking with a stick...

OPINION The Federal Government has announced plans this week to cut back on the record number of immigrants the nation is taking in, choosing to target students and low-skilled workers in their reductions. Many international students who come to Australia to study are forced to work illegally to make ends meet. It's something that only stands to benefit business, and big...