ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
There’s always one, in every circle of mates.
And for 29-year-old graphic designer, this year was his year.
Doubling down and a tip from his old man, Dennis Cartwright put $50 each way on Very Elleegant, the rank outsider who snatched this year’s Melbourne Cup from the depths of mediocrity. He just scanned his ticket and took home over $1500 for his troubles.
However, Dennis couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“Guys! Guys! Look! I fucken won, you bastards! I’m rich!” wrote Cartwright in a candid WhatsApp message to his closest mates.
“Well… looks like you’re buying the bags tonight then, cowboy,” a friend wrote back.
“Yeah, you son of a bitch. We’re all going to Thredbo tonight fellas!” typed another pal.
All of a sudden, the grim reality of Mr Cartwright’s situation dawned on him. He was being bag taxed.
‘Bag taxing’ is a modern phenomenon that’s rife within the nation’s young professional demographic. As the stigma surrounding rampant cocaine abuse has eroded in recent years, the narcotic has developed a vogue of its own, thanks to television dramas such as Narcos and Restoration Australia.
“I should’ve known better than to open my fucking gob. A few months back, I didn’t say anything when I got a $6500 tax refund, now I win 1500 clams and I have to give it to a drug dealer,” said Dennis.
“You just can win in this town, it’s fucked.”
It’s unknown whether Cartwright will follow through with his vacant promise to his friends to purchase the cocaine this evening, however, if he doesn’t, he risks “dogging the boys”.
More to come.
